Have

She, the sister, laid this word on me this week...Have...and I thought I knew exactly what I was going to write about...about having and being grateful.  

And then life happened. 

I learned that my neighbor is ticked off because we both planted the same kind of bush in our yards last year and mine is looking perkier than hers is looking.  She would like to have what I have.  I also learned that the mother of one of my daughter’s friends had emergency brain surgery.  I am so grateful I do not have what she has.

I'm all messed about the Haves and the Have Nots.  The epic list we all make in our minds about what we do and do not possess.  Which is the list we should desire to add to?  The list of Haves or the list of Have Nots?  It’s time to think carefully about those lists.  And what you think you know about what people have and do not have.

Here's what I have...

Three different pairs of red patent leather shoes.

A husband who works incredibly long hours and travels extensively leaving me home to solo parent...a lot.

A degenerative form of arthritis in my hips that will eventually require that an orthopedist graft my bones together with titanium so I can walk.

Here's what I don't have...

A home in foreclosure.

An iPhone.

A malignant brain tumor.

I don't mean to make light of any of this.  But it's not just about being grateful for what you have.  Which list do your blessings go on?  The I have this list or the I don't have this list?  Are you blessed because of what you do have or because of what you don't have? Or both?  I think maybe both.

Can gratitude for cute shoes and healthy children go on the same list?  It’s things and states of mind and apparently a bit of rambling this week…because I’m angry at people.  I’m angry that I have things that people think they want.  I’m angry at myself for being glad I do not have what some people have.  I’m angry that I have never thought about Have this way.  I’m angry because I want to still be grateful for cocktail dresses and full bodied cabernet right alongside being grateful for my working body and my healthy children.

Have, have, have.  Have not, not, not.  Am I blessed because of what I do have or because of what I don't have? 

I want it to be both.  I need it to be both.